Mother's Day. For the past 18 years, I try to seek balance on the second Sunday in May between the joy of being a mother and the sadness of missing my own mother.
I remember my first one -- the newness of being someone's mommy and the awe of cuddling my four-month-old son as our family of three walked amidst the beauty of pink and white blooms at the Dogwood Festival - a tradition in our new hometown of Fairfield. Last year, twenty-five years later, I spent the day in Lesotho, in Africa, with my daughter.
Just a few minutes ago, I realized that this is the first year that I do not have at least one of my children with me on Mother's Day. Today, they are located on three different continents - that is 'kind of cool' as one of them said to me earlier. I had a wonderful conversation with each of them, sharing details of our lives. And, yet . . .
Yet, once again, a parenting transition caught me off-guard, unprepared and seeking balance. I didn't realize that I would be without any of my children: here, sharing stories, a meal, laughter and hugs. Sometimes, upon reflection of moments like this, I think, what if I had known the transition was going to happen . . . what would I have done differently? How could I have prepared? I seldom find answers that satisfy me; perhaps it is best that I just go through the transition as it unfolds. Without warning, without planning -- allowing me to fully experience the sense of unbalance, just to be in the moment.
This, after all, is motherhood.
2 comments:
Donna, I too was without my children this Mother's Day. I try to write it off as a Hallmark holiday that doesn't really matter, but the fact remains, I miss having them near. Just to laugh, hug or share a meal. These people I helped create, do they miss me as much as I miss them?
Lovely post, Donna
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