"Do one thing every day that scares you." Eleanor Roosevelt
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts

Friday, September 14, 2012

See you later . . . not goodbye


Thursday night, we stopped by a friend's house. This was something I had been putting off - as if not stopping, not acknowledging that they were moving away, would somehow mean they weren't leaving.

But, it doesn't work that way, does it?

As we drove past their house, every light was on. This made sense, the moving van was arriving early the next day and I am sure they had quite a few final details to attend to. As much as I didn't want to, I asked my husband to pull into their driveway - the time to say goodbye was now.

Throughout life, there are many kinds of friends that cross our paths. Some will even join us on our journey for a period of time. And, if we are very lucky, we will be blessed with friends that become something more, friends who truly become part of our lives for a long, long time.

These are those kind of friends. We met because of our 5th grade daughters but became friends because we really liked each other. We've laughed together, celebrated together, shared difficult conversations, and watched our girls grow up. (I have a decade of 'first day of school' photos of them in my photo albums). When Nancy went back to school, I was thrilled for her and several years later, when I returned to graduate school, she was equally as happy for me. Adult friendships are often hard to maintain, it takes an effort to stay connected in the busy world we live in. Something else is often a bit more of a priority than sharing time; and, even if you've made loose plans to get together, those plans often give way to the demands of every day living and schedule changes that happen.

But, when you do get together, it's as if you are picking up a conversation you had just paused a few minutes ago . . . it never seems as if you haven't seen each other for months. Straight talk, solid conversation, we've covered more than fifteen years of growing up - shifting through several phases of parenting and marriage. Now, they are leaving the neighborhood, moving south, and taking on a new adventure in their journey.

I wish them well. I am excited that they are following their dream, relocating to a community they are drawn to and creating a new life. Together. I am pretty sure our paths will cross again but it will be different. I reminded them of my annual summer picnic and if they are visiting family nearby next June, they were always welcome. They may come . . . strolling down my driveway, bottle of wine in hand, as if they still lived around the corner. I am holding on to that imagine. For now, this is see you later, not goodbye.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Closing a Door




Firmly closing a door is difficult for me. I like the idea of a circle - a loose, flexible ring that allows for a return to the beginning, that keeps me in "the loop" of an event. I may step out for a while but I know that I can step back in. This provides a sense of control. I understand what is happening and how to remain safely connected.

Last week I closed a door. I knew that I was done. I don't want the safety. I don't want the ease of stepping back in. I don't want to "stay in the loop" any longer.

When, and if, I return, I will be different. Although there will always be a connection to the beginning, a connection that I cherish, I want the door that I open next time to reveal something new, something unexpected, something unique.

Monday, November 8, 2010

September - October - November


September 6th is the last time I added an entry to this blog ... where have the weeks gone? The days pass, one by one, almost unnoticed, because that is what days do ... they pass by as I live my life, maintain my home, tutor, do laundry, have fun, laugh and cry, walk the dog, cheer for the NY Giants, celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary -- among other things.

What is on your list?

My list also includes finishing my thesis for graduation from Fairfield University's MFA program in January, 2011. What is the best word to get this idea across? How did I feel at that particular moment? What did I learn? Why did that happen? Questions, seeking answers, finding the perfect phrase, probing deeper to discovery something about me and the world around me -- I have been immersed in the quest. Sometimes frustrated, sometimes angry, often surprised; moved to laughter, to tears, to joy; I achieved moments of revelation and suffered moments of deep fear. I have revealed myself -- to me, to family and friends, and to strangers.

I will meet the deadline for graduation.

For the first time in weeks, I'm not consumed by the work; I'm able to look up from my workspace (which suffers from a serious clutter problem currently) and to think about something other than creating a scene or unpacking an emotion. I have time to read my book club's current selection without feeling guilty that I should be reading a book for my program.

Just as the weather is changing from autumn to early winter, I am ready for a change. I am ready to push back from my desk, tidy up, discard drafts 2-20+ (everything is backed up - twice - on the computer), and look at something new. My final residency is coming up - I will teach, serve as a TA, present a lengthy reading, and if all goes well, graduate with the 26 men and women who have traveled with me the past two years.