"Do one thing every day that scares you." Eleanor Roosevelt

Monday, November 8, 2010

September - October - November


September 6th is the last time I added an entry to this blog ... where have the weeks gone? The days pass, one by one, almost unnoticed, because that is what days do ... they pass by as I live my life, maintain my home, tutor, do laundry, have fun, laugh and cry, walk the dog, cheer for the NY Giants, celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary -- among other things.

What is on your list?

My list also includes finishing my thesis for graduation from Fairfield University's MFA program in January, 2011. What is the best word to get this idea across? How did I feel at that particular moment? What did I learn? Why did that happen? Questions, seeking answers, finding the perfect phrase, probing deeper to discovery something about me and the world around me -- I have been immersed in the quest. Sometimes frustrated, sometimes angry, often surprised; moved to laughter, to tears, to joy; I achieved moments of revelation and suffered moments of deep fear. I have revealed myself -- to me, to family and friends, and to strangers.

I will meet the deadline for graduation.

For the first time in weeks, I'm not consumed by the work; I'm able to look up from my workspace (which suffers from a serious clutter problem currently) and to think about something other than creating a scene or unpacking an emotion. I have time to read my book club's current selection without feeling guilty that I should be reading a book for my program.

Just as the weather is changing from autumn to early winter, I am ready for a change. I am ready to push back from my desk, tidy up, discard drafts 2-20+ (everything is backed up - twice - on the computer), and look at something new. My final residency is coming up - I will teach, serve as a TA, present a lengthy reading, and if all goes well, graduate with the 26 men and women who have traveled with me the past two years.

Monday, September 6, 2010

My Kind of Weather


A shift in weather occurred after hurricane Earl slid along the East Coast, teasing us for days and then, delivering very little . . . a bit of rain, a bit of wind, some impressive waves, and many plans for the weekend altered. How, given the extensive technology of our world, can weather predictions and projections be so far off? The answer is simple .... it is Mother Nature who dictates things like the path of a hurricane. At best, technology can help make a prediction, but the ultimate decision lies beyond our control. Imagine!

A cold front from the west dropped the temperature more than 20 degrees in a 24 hour period . . . high wispy clouds, blue skies, and a breeze rippled both the leaves and the surface of the lake. Wide open windows meant sleeping under a blanket last night as the temperature dipped into the low 50s. Instead of the relentless hum of a revolving fan, the first sounds I heard this morning were a woodpecker and leaves jostling in the wind.

I would be happy with days just like today - all year long. With one exception, a beautiful snow cover on December 25th - just enough to wrap the world in a magical blanket of white.

This is my kind of weather.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Read. Write.

"Read, read, read. Read everything - trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it.
Just read like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master.
Read!
You'll absorb it.
Then write."
William Faulkner

For me, right now, this says it all.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Long Term Friendship

Recently, over an eight day period, I celebrated long term friendships on five different occasions.

Although I missed my 35th high school reunion, a friend from North Carolina stopped by to visit on his way home from the reunion. We've been friends for 38 years - shared the good, the bad and the ugly - from senior prom antics, college, travel across the country to attend each others wedding, the death of parents, and sending children off to college. After lunch, we ordered another beer and talked, moving between the distant past, the present, and the future with ease. On Friday, I had lunch with a dear friend who is always a source of inspiration for me. We sat for three hours and reconnected. It was delightful; we focused on us - offering each other genuine enthusiasm and support for upcoming ventures. We departed with the promise not to let so much time pass again.

Saturday evening, my husband and I enjoyed grilled steak and shrimp under a starry August night on a friend's deck - a friendship that began when our sons were in first grade, twenty years ago, and has survived the pressure of misconceptions, strong wills, and the craziness of work and parenting six children between us. Oh, the 'discussions' we've had! For a while, their new granddaughter visited with us. Three months old, she is beautiful; we've entered a new phase of friendship. We talked about retirement, house renovation plans, being empty-nesters, and the joy of a grandchild. On Sunday, my husband, son and I drove to Danbury with friends, another friendship that evolved from the PTA and a "Dolly and Me" after school program, to a tiny place called the Goulash Restaurant, tucked into a residential neighborhood. The food was authentic and the decor suggested that you are sitting in your aunt's dining room. The pace of the service allowed us to enjoy our meals and conversation. We drove the long way home, winding through the back roads of Fairfield County, just content to be together.

Finally, on Tuesday evening, we sat at the table in a friend's home, another friendship that began with volunteer work in elementary school. We were neighbors, living across the street from each other for more than a decade, back door friends, relaxed and casual. They watched our children when my husband drove me to the hospital to have our third baby. A pineapple upside down cake, my favorite, was on the counter - baked to celebrate my birthday. She always remembers.

More than 110 years of combined friendship.

There is an ease to long term friendships, moving from the past to the present with someone who knows a particular you, from a different time in your life: as a silly 16 high school sophomore, a new mother, holding you as you mourn the loss of a parent, celebrating with you as your children leave for college, and offering encouraging as you begin a new adventure. This kind of friendship, like anything of value, needs to be nurtured; sometimes it is hard work to maintain a friendship as life can, and often does, get in the way.

But the rewards make the work worthwhile.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Water


Water has always had a powerful draw on me. As often as I can, I seek out the shore - watching, walking, thinking, reading, learning, and often, just listening. I can look at my watch and 30, 60, or more minutes will have passed as I watch the flight of cormorants or listen as the waves rush in and out, slapping against the sandy beach. For months, I have watched a pair of osprey nurture their young - two babies that are now almost as large as their parents I know one day soon the nest will be empty, but for now, wanting to see them one more time, their family unit still intact, even as the babies practice flying, seeking independence, I am pulled back to check on them several times a week. This morning, although I watched them for an hour, I only saw three.

Every trip is different: the tides, the sun, the clouds, what I see and what I take away. The same spot is a vastly different landscape depending on the tide. High tide is lush and full but low tide uncovers . . . revealing what lies below.

My favorite place at the Lake is sitting on the screen porch watching the water. Some mornings, if the breeze is quiet and no fishermen have visited our cove yet, I have the gift of two sunrises. One cresting the distant mountains and a second, a perfect reflection upon the still water. For a moment, it is difficult to tell one from another; then, there is no confusion between the two as the porch fills with glorious morning sunlight, hinting at a host of possibilities on a hot August day.

Water grounds me. Water soothes me. Water excites me. Water humbles me.

Three summers ago, I got into trouble in the water at the Lake. I had spent hours in the warm water in the cove. Over time, I had moved away from out dock. There was no water activity; it was a weekday, in late August, and very few houses were occupied. I didn't have to watch for boats, or jet-skis or paddlers. The entire cove was mine. Late in the afternoon, dark clouds appeared simultaneously with a crack of thunder that rolled above me. Fearful of lightening, I began to swim back. Within minutes, I knew I couldn't reach our dock before the storm clouds opened. I called out but knew no one could hear me. My husband or son would look for me, but I didn't think it would be soon enough. I had already swallowed a great deal of water and was having difficulty breathing. I was in serious trouble. And then, I panicked. I went under and came up, gulping in water, thrashing as I tried to move toward my house. Just then, I knew to look left. It wasn't a booming voice or some odd visual event --- in that moment, I just knew to look left. A broken dock, low in the water, was visible. With difficulty, I moved toward it and clung to the edge as soon as I reached it. I couldn't catch my breath, I could only take a shallow puff without pain gripping my chest. I struggled to get out of the water and stumbled up the pitched, rocky yard toward the dirt road that lead back to my house. I fell several times; I was cold and wet, pine needles, leaves and dirt clung to me. I collapsed on a rock, coughing up water as I tried to catch my breath. My driveway was in sight but I couldn't make it. A car came down the road and stopped when they saw me. The woman asked if I was hurt. I nodded and asked her to get my husband as I struggled to tell her my house number. The woman hurried toward my house. The man helped me into his car, backed down the road and turned into the driveway as my husband ran to meet the car. For hours, he sat beside me as I coughed up water.

Water gives and takes.

Each season, several lives are lost on the Lake. For a moment, mine was in the balance.

Water grounds me. Water soothes me. Water excites me. And, water humbles me.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Collective "Ahhh"






























There is something magical about fireworks!

Whether you are in the front row or the last row doesn't matter as long as you have a clear view of the sky.

Suddenly, against the blackness of a summer night, an upward streak of light, a pause and then, a burst of color and design.

Like snowflakes, no two ever appear the same.

The collective "ahhh" ripples across the spectators.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Summer

I meet a friend today who I had not seen for a while and we had a chance to talk for more than a quick hello. We caught up on the past few months; I shared a bit of my summer activities. Being away at my MFA residency for 10 days with more than 90 writers, a recent birthday, unexpected kindnesses, my own fresh garden produce, and some excellent news have contributed to a good summer . . . and there are weeks of summer still left.

Came across this poem by William Carlos Williams . . . I wonder where the rest of the summer will lead me?

Summer Song
by William Carlos Williams


Wanderer moon
smiling a
faintly ironical smile
at this
brilliant, dew-moistened
summer morning,—
a detached
sleepily indifferent
smile, a
wanderer's smile,—
if I should
buy a shirt
your color and
put on a necktie
sky-blue
where would they carry me? I wonder -- where will the summer lead me?