Long Term Friendship

Recently, over an eight day period, I celebrated long term friendships on five different occasions.

Although I missed my 35th high school reunion, a friend from North Carolina stopped by to visit on his way home from the reunion. We've been friends for 38 years - shared the good, the bad and the ugly - from senior prom antics, college, travel across the country to attend each others wedding, the death of parents, and sending children off to college. After lunch, we ordered another beer and talked, moving between the distant past, the present, and the future with ease. On Friday, I had lunch with a dear friend who is always a source of inspiration for me. We sat for three hours and reconnected. It was delightful; we focused on us - offering each other genuine enthusiasm and support for upcoming ventures. We departed with the promise not to let so much time pass again.

Saturday evening, my husband and I enjoyed grilled steak and shrimp under a starry August night on a friend's deck - a friendship that began when our sons were in first grade, twenty years ago, and has survived the pressure of misconceptions, strong wills, and the craziness of work and parenting six children between us. Oh, the 'discussions' we've had! For a while, their new granddaughter visited with us. Three months old, she is beautiful; we've entered a new phase of friendship. We talked about retirement, house renovation plans, being empty-nesters, and the joy of a grandchild. On Sunday, my husband, son and I drove to Danbury with friends, another friendship that evolved from the PTA and a "Dolly and Me" after school program, to a tiny place called the Goulash Restaurant, tucked into a residential neighborhood. The food was authentic and the decor suggested that you are sitting in your aunt's dining room. The pace of the service allowed us to enjoy our meals and conversation. We drove the long way home, winding through the back roads of Fairfield County, just content to be together.

Finally, on Tuesday evening, we sat at the table in a friend's home, another friendship that began with volunteer work in elementary school. We were neighbors, living across the street from each other for more than a decade, back door friends, relaxed and casual. They watched our children when my husband drove me to the hospital to have our third baby. A pineapple upside down cake, my favorite, was on the counter - baked to celebrate my birthday. She always remembers.

More than 110 years of combined friendship.

There is an ease to long term friendships, moving from the past to the present with someone who knows a particular you, from a different time in your life: as a silly 16 high school sophomore, a new mother, holding you as you mourn the loss of a parent, celebrating with you as your children leave for college, and offering encouraging as you begin a new adventure. This kind of friendship, like anything of value, needs to be nurtured; sometimes it is hard work to maintain a friendship as life can, and often does, get in the way.

But the rewards make the work worthwhile.